haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i drank out of a bidet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
