I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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