I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize