you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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