This is the prime rib incident all over again
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
