I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
