omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
