Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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