You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
