You smell like a Billy Joel song
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I supernannyed him into submission
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
