remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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