I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
