Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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