she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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