oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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