Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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