i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
