Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
