Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
