So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
