Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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