Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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