I am puke
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Text me some of your sweat
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