Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
