Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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