Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
