1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize