We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
being pregnant is like rehab
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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