My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
