im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
