Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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