What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
