I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
