Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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