his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
