Who did Billy Mays play for?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My pussy is not your playground.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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