Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
