i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They took my balls.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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