so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
