i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
