I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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