I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
