She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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