I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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