What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
