I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
