I must be too annoying 4 u.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
