I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My life is pants optional.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize