What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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