I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
