yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
