He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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