I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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