I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
