I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
