So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
