my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
