i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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