she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
