Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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