You're my little dorito
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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