Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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