i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
