turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
PANTIES FOUND
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
