I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
