for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
