she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
