meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
