Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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