i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
