So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
