Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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