It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
