What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
