Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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