Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
