yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
