I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
