I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
3 2 1 whiskey
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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