from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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