Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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